Maxine Waters

Maxine Waters Issues Protest Instructions

Maxine Waters mask
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Maxine Waters, the Democrat from California who in 1992, as a new Congresswoman, infamously led crowds in chanting “No justice, No peace” which helped incite the Rodney King Riots, and who then after the riots characterized the looting that occured as simply some moms getting milk for their babies–nothing criminal–has issued instructions for the Summer of 2020 descent into anarchy. 

“Listen up people!” She began at her press conference. “Forty Five is still alive! That’s bad, because that ol’ orange cracker has been using his whistle! His damn dog whistle, to give orders for white supremacy! That’s how he gets away with it, his followers are like dogs! Bloodthirsty bloodhounds, hunting African Americans, and lynchin’ ‘em in the street! Because Trump tells ’em to with a whistle that only they can hear!” 

Dog whistle
Waters says Trump supporters are like the dog in this picture. Others claim it’s the Democrats who are masters of the political dog whistle. Still others maintain it’s not right to compare people to dogs.

There was a sort of murmur in the small group, a collective sense of upcoming action, like getting your marching orders for battle.

“Now we ain’t got no whistle!” Waters shouted, gaining energy from the small crowd, who seemed to gain energy from her, in a symbiotic back and forth wave of hate and potential violence. 

“So we got to be clear, very clear! That’s why I had some very talented young people from my office come up with this schedule for peaceful protests; now, if you live in a area code that’s even, that ends with an even number, then you burn down your local police station. Now, if you live in a area code with an odd number, you block traffic.”

Her speech seemed to lose momentum as she got to the specifics of the schedule. People were taking notes, but seemed unsure, as Waters stumbled a bit over some of the details. 

“OK now. Even zip codes, If you in an even zip code, you burn the big stores, like Target. After shopping. After, you know, getting what you need for your baby. Then in the odd numbered zip codes. You hit the small shops. Look for the mom ‘n pop stores owned by people that might support forty five. You know, help ‘em help the community by donating.”

People were definitely confused. “What if your cell phone area code is different from where you live? Or if your work phone is different?” Asked a reporter from the Huffington Post. “What if you’re in an odd numbered zip code, but you own a small shop?” Inquired the LA Times reporter. 

Waters was briefly rattled by the questions. An aid whispered in her ear, and she got back on message. 

George Floyd riots
On the streets, a bit of confusion as to who or what to target. The anarchy needs a guiding hand!

“When in doubt, burn it out! You just keep burnin’ these mutherfuckin’ cities until people done had enough! And get rid of Trump!”

There were smiles all around as Waters ended on a strong note, with the confusion dissipated. Everyone left energized and eager to do the right thing. 


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