aliens

First Contact!

Interstellar Travelers Crash White House Press Conference

First Contact
Some are questioning the Secret Service for allowing the interstellar visitors into the Press Conference. But they had legitimate CNN press credentials.

This Is going to be controversial; nobody who was there remembers it, and of the several hundred people who were watching the live feed of The White House Daily Coronavirus briefing, are all being visited by mysterious men in black suits with homeland security credentials, telling them to remain silent. Conflicting conspiracy theories are already emerging. But we here at The Philthy Times have a copy of the video. It’s true. First Contact. The world will never be the same, now that we know we are NOT alone!

At first it was business as usual; Potus Trump was rambling, repeating over and again what a great job he was doing battling the Coronavirus. Dr. Fauci was looking perturbed. Vice President Pence was in his usual Senturion like pose. Then, without warning, a group of three space aliens stood up and began complaining about humans.

It’s hard to be sure exactly what the aliens said, because they spoke in a mixture of English, Esperanto, and Pig Latin, with some of their own alien language mixed in.

Trump 2020
As the aliens started lecturing Trump about technology, fossil fuels and healthcare, the POTUS plugged his ears and began shouting “I can’t hear you, I can’t hear you!”

Some are claiming that the aliens condemned Trump personally, calling him a “bad orange human” who “should be impeached, again.” Others claim Trump was praised, quoting the aliens as saying “We like your style, Orange Man! You’re in over your head, but we’ll help you drain that swamp!”

President Trump didn’t react well personally, refusing to listen to the aliens or take their advice. But he was neither praised or blamed personally. After analyzing the video and audio, we have translated everything and the aliens condemned all people equally, for stupidity, greed, allowing wars and a relatively few to live in luxury while manny suffer and go hungry.

There were elements of anger in their message, it was a rant treally, and they seemed to imply that if they didn’t leave now, they might take actions they would regret later. They walked out, and disappeared into a blindingly bright light. They used some kind of technology, drug or hypnosis so that nobody who was there personally remembers it. President Trump is insisting it’s a hoax, just more fake news. We know the truth!

The Philthy aliens
It didn’t go as hoped. They left and may not return for a long time.


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