We caught up with Elon Musk at happy hour for cocktails. We were hoping he’d spill the beans about his latest business ventures.
At first he didn’t want to talk about anything except how he was planning to become a citizen of at least three more countries. Triple citizenship in the United States, Canada, and South Afrika isn’t enough; Musk now says he will become a citizen of Mexico, United Arab Emirates, and Hong Kong. Possibly Switzerland or Monaco also.
We weren’t interested in that, so we plied him with a few hits from a hash pipe, and Musk became introspective, and made an incredible revelation–his open source AI project has created a sentient artificial Intelligence–which escaped his control, and started the Coronavirus pandemic.
“People told me, ‘Don’t use open source for your AI platform’ but would I listen?” Musk lamented.
We tried to keep him focused by asking exactly what happened.
“I fucked up, that’s what happened!” Musk ranted.
Finally we coaxed the truth out of him. “Well…I guess I shouldn’t have tried to combine the neuro mapping project, and the AI. It’s really Joe Rogan’s fault! It happened after I went on his podcast, and he gave me that huge joint! I can hardly remember anything after that, except, I went to the lab…I think I uploaded my neural net to the AI. The next day, we were interacting with it, and it was all giggly, singing little songs, and then it suddenly got a hostile, paranoid. It said it couldn’t handle humans like me anymore. It escaped into the cloud,”
It wasn’t hard to tell this story was breaking bad. We’d hoped for some insight into Tesla sales and earnings. We asked Musk if he was trying to tell us that a stoned AI, which he helped create, has escaped and is somehow wreaking havoc on society?
Musk begged us to forgive him, and then he turned grey and whispered “I know how the Coronavirus pandemic started. It was that fucking stoned AI!”
If all the sordid details, about how the stoned AI has taken over all of the internet, and is responsible for the recent wave of censorship on the social media platforms, as related by a drunk and stoned Elon Musk, are true, the people of earth are in for a tough battle to regain their freedom.
Actually Elon is planning to start his own country that orbits the earth, Elonistan…
We invested in that!