Republicans and the Trump Administration were caught off guard today, when Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer announced plans to not only fund the wall on the border between Mexico and the US, but to dramatically accelerate its completion, and to build a wall along the Northern border with Canada as well.
With Nancy Pelosi at his side, calmly sipping from a glass of vodka, Schumer dropped the bombshell at a private, invitation-only press conference in DC.
“We are introducing legislation that will dramatically accelerate the building of the border wall” Schumer told a small gathering of select reporters, who reacted with a collective gasp at the announcement. Our reporter was there under an assumed identity, that of a new CNN reporter, whom we had disabled with chloroform, before taking his press credentials for the private conference.
“Please be assured this will in no way infringe on the universal rights of coronavirus refugees, or climate change refugees, or anyone else to come to our country freely with no border issues.” Schumer continued.
This piqued our reporters attention; if it wasn’t to stop people from coming in illegally, then what was it for?
The answer wasn’t forthcoming from Schumer, who quickly ended the private press conference, and left. There was, however, a written document that he left behind on the podium, which our reporter was able to procure, which detailed the proposal. It was written on Minority Leader Schumer’s official letterhead, and in part, it read;
“We lost many of our illegal voters during the last financial crisis, the Great Recession of 2008. When the economy tanked, too many of them bolted back home. We know we get virtually 100% of their vote, 110% actually, when you count the duplicate votes. We need to get this wall up quick, to prevent them from going home again this time, as well as to retain the legal citizens who may try to get away when they realize what’s happened.“
As usual, reactions were mixed along party lines. Democrats we spoke to and shared the news with gasped and then most started chanting something, such as one who repeated “Oh Hell No” over and over again. Republicans appeared grim, and remained mostly mute. The few GOP members that would speak off the record said they would wait to see what was in the legislation, and made vague comments about “Trump’s Veto power.”
The document had seemed to admit to voter fraud, using illegal voters to cast “duplicate votes”. We challenged one of Schumer’s staff to admit it. He just laughed at us, and said “You gotta give 110% to be a winner, right”? *wink wink*