Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot

Rumors Swirl as Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot Denies Any Knowledge

Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot
Different standards for Citizens and Politicians? No Problem?

By now everyone has heard about Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot, Democrat, threatening to arrest anyone who goes out and violates her stay at home martial law orders–anyone but her and her personal stylist, that is.

Claiming she needs to look good because she’s “in the public eye” Mayor Lightfoot violated her own edicts closing barbershops and hair-styling salons. The criticism was harsh, not only for allowing herself to go out, when citizens face arrest for the same thing, but for the haircut itself. It was embarrassing, not flattering, and may have resulted in the stylist, who has been missing since the scandal broke, being assassinated.

Some are dismissing the rumors as reckless conspiracy theories. “Anyone who believes that Mayor Lightfoot would assassinate her hair-stylist over an admittedly bad haircut” Declared one Chicago resident. “Is a crazy-ass conspiracy theorist and outright White Supremacist!”

Chicago PR
The office of Mayor of Chicago comes with a special team of Public Relations troubleshooters to take care of issues or disrespect of any kind.

Others were not so sure. One woman who wished to remain anonymous said she believes the rumors. “Oh, hell yeah, that stylist got whacked. Not that she’d do it herself, mind you…but Lightfoot don’t play! You don’t do her like that, without repercussions!”

The Mayor’s office issued a written statement denying any knowledge of any crime and now claims that the haircut itself never happened, that it was all a hoax perpetrated by Fox News.

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Spread the Philthiness

By Walter Kurtz

The horror! I got tired of the Deep State continuously sending assassins to kill me. So I faked my own death, during a documentary film. Later I had the film edited to appear as a work of fiction. Since then I've been roaming the globe, killing judiciously, and lavising kindness and affection on the weak and needy. I've now decided to start publishing the truth for my good friend El Capitaz, on the website The Philthy Times. The horror of these philthy times must be documented.

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