Sanders Makes Deal With Wall Street for IPO
Will be President, but of a Company Not a Nation
Plata o Plomo. Silver or Lead. When you are dealing with a gangster like a Pablo Escobar, El Chapo–or The Clinton Cartel–those are your options. Four years ago, Bernie sold out for a fistfull of cash, a new public recognition and following, and a vacation home on a lakefront. This time around he gets a big payout in the form of an Initial Public Offering for a Corporation to e named Socialism Inc.
Bernie will be the President and CEO. Our friends inside Wall Street have also confirmed that it has yet to be determined who will be Vice President, but Elizabeth Warren will be the Director of Human Resources, Nancy Pelosi, Chelsea Clinton, and Chuck Schumer will sit on the Board of Directors, and Barack Obama will be a Silent Partner.
AOC is said to be devastated that she wasn’t selected for a key role in the new corporation. At first she thought she might even be asked to serve as VP, but now she’s resorted to lobbying for a job as an intern in the new companies Marketing Department. Corporate security will be outsourced to the FBI, with the NSA providing IT support.
“The new company has been planned for quite some time” reports our exclusive, inside source “but the development and exploitation of the Coronavirus Pandemic has made it a lot bigger than originally intended. Their mission statement will now include rhetoric not only about keeping people safe from climate change, but bad conservative germs and Republican viruses also.”
Mutual Fund managers are lining up to make big purchases of the stock as soon as it starts trading, as ordered. It will trade under the ticker symbol CMNST. The Philthy Times phiduciary advice? Sell short! The books will be as cooked a thanksgiving turkey!