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Socialism Inc.

Sanders Makes Deal With Wall Street for IPO

Will be President, but of a Company Not a Nation

The company will be the first to not only declare itself exempt from paying taxes, they will demand 50% of the GDP while guaranteeing to pay 40% of federal spending

Plata o Plomo. Silver or Lead. When you are dealing with a gangster like a Pablo Escobar, El Chapo–or The Clinton Cartel–those are your options. Four years ago, Bernie sold out for a fistfull of cash, a new public recognition and following, and a vacation home on a lakefront. This time around he gets a big payout in the form of an Initial Public Offering for a Corporation to e named Socialism Inc.

Bernie will be the President and CEO. Our friends inside Wall Street have also confirmed that it has yet to be determined who will be Vice President, but Elizabeth Warren will be the Director of Human Resources, Nancy Pelosi, Chelsea Clinton, and Chuck Schumer will sit on the Board of Directors, and Barack Obama will be a Silent Partner.

The Silent Partner role will allow Obama to do his thing, without anybody knowing what he’s doing, or that he’s doing anything at all, as he prefers!

AOC is said to be devastated that she wasn’t selected for a key role in the new corporation. At first she thought she might even be asked to serve as VP, but now she’s resorted to lobbying for a job as an intern in the new companies Marketing Department. Corporate security will be outsourced to the FBI, with the NSA providing IT support.

“The new company has been planned for quite some time” reports our exclusive, inside source “but the development and exploitation of the Coronavirus Pandemic has made it a lot bigger than originally intended. Their mission statement will now include rhetoric not only about keeping people safe from climate change, but bad conservative germs and Republican viruses also.”

Mutual Fund managers are lining up to make big purchases of the stock as soon as it starts trading, as ordered. It will trade under the ticker symbol CMNST. The Philthy Times phiduciary advice? Sell short! The books will be as cooked a thanksgiving turkey!

House To Move To Impeach Trump Second Time

Charges This Time Will Include Bioterrorism for Refusing to Wear a Mask

Democrats are accusing the POTUS of bioterrorism for refusing to wear a mask

Nancy Pelosi began signalling the next stage in the coup a week ago, when she announced a new “select committee” to conduct oversight and investigation into the Trump administration’s response to the Coronavirus pandemic. I contacted my special source–not a mole, a weasel–in the Pelosi camp. I was soon informed that work has already started on the second series of impeachment articles. Pelosi has been planning Impeachment 2.0 ever since the night of the State of the Union address, when she felt humiliated by The President refusing to shake her hand.

As we all know now, the first two articles of impeachment were infamous for being epically lame; abuse of power and obstruction of congress. For asking another head of state to investigate corruption, and as far as the obstruction of congress, it’s hard to remember what that bizarre claim was all about–of course Trump tried to obstruct congress, they were moving in a coup d’etat to railroad him on a kangaroo court charge!

According to my friend, the second go-round of impeachment will also be based on two articles. The first will charge the POTUS with bioterrorism, and endangering the public, for refusing to wear a mask. The Democrats expect Trump attorneys to argue that The President does not have the Coronavirus, therefore he cannot be charged with spreading it by not wearing a mask. As an added layer of protection, they may help Trump draft an executive order specifically stating that it’s OK for White house officials, including the POTUS, to deliver press conferences without wearing masks, provided they were tested for Corona within the last 48 hours. Chuck Schumer will counter that it doesn’t matter, Trump is evil and sets a bad example, and even if Republican Senators don’t go along with it, it will help convince people to vote for Joe Biden in a proposed coming virtual/online election. Or people will at least believe that’s what convinced so many to vote for Biden, if the election needs to be stolen, by stuffing the electronic ballot boxes.

Pelosi began planning the 2nd Impeachment the night before the 1st was dismissed

The second article of impeachment will claim that POTUS Trump is a racist for referring to the Covid-19 Corona Virus–The Wuhan Flu–as the “Chinese Virus.” The White is expected to counter that there is a long-standing tradition of naming illness or virus strains after a place of origin, from the “West Nile Virus” all the way back to the “Spanish Flu”, and even so, The POTUS agreed to stop calling it the Chinese Virus after some people complained, and informed him that it offended their sensibilities. Schumer and his team of Democrats in the Senate will respond that it doesn’t matter, Trump is racist and evil and sets a bad example, and even if Republican Senators don’t go along with it, it will help convince people to vote for Joe Biden in a proposed coming virtual/online election. Or people will at least believe that’s what convinced so many to vote for Biden, if the election needs to be stolen, by stuffing the electronic ballot boxes.

Adam Schiff is terrified he will be forced to lead the team of Democrat prosecutors as he did during the first impeachment. He’s in seclusion undergoing secret preparation.


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Pope Caught On Hot-Mike “It’s Over, Devil’s Virus Unstoppable”

Pontiff, Distraught Over Cancellation Of Church Services, May Have Cursed Trump

Social-Distancing restrictions limited Staff, leading to Pope’s “Hot Mike” faux-paux

The Pope was caught in embarrassing microphone malfunction yesterday, when he was recorded uttering “Fuck it, it’s over…The Devil’s Virus is unstoppable” without realizing his words were still being recorded. Many claim that the Pope also mumbled the words “let it take all the Trump supporters” indicating the Pontiff hopes that supporters of US President Donald Trump succumb to the pandemic. The Vatican admits that there was a “hot mike” incident which recorded the Pontiff, but denies that The Pope mentioned Trump.

The Holy See did curse, off the record, not knowing that his microphone was still live. However, exactly what else he said is disputed. “The Vatican confirms that he cursed, and referred to the Coronavirus, that is all.” Said French Cardinal Menteur Pathologique, one of the Pope’s spokespersons, who was present. “Any reports that His Eminence wished harm upon anyone is completely false.”

The Pontiff was upset by recent reports of a surge in demonic activity

We caught up with one of the audio/video technicians who was working with the Pope, and off the record he said “Oh yeah, he (The Pope) said it. First off, it’s not my fault! I was supposed to have an assistant, but she called in sick. I won’t repeat what he said, but he definitely cursed Trump. Give him a break, he’s upset by having to preach to empty courtyards. Plus he’s been teleconferencing all week with Exorcists around the globe, who are upsetting the Pontiff with reports of Demonic activity. Naturally, the blame should fall on The Bad Orange Man, as we refer to Trump around here.”

The Pope is said to be in good Spirits with Easter Sunday approaching; but our inside sources in The Vatican say it’s not true, that The Holy See is suffering from depression, and insomnia, and spends up to 24 hours per day receiving disturbing video-conference reports from his top exorcists. Confirming the adage that ‘There are no atheists in foxholes‘, the only thing that’s not disputed is that prayer couldn’t hurt right about now.


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Joe Biden Punches Out Disabled Vet

78 Year-Old Candidate Takes 85 Year-Old Korean War Vet “Out Back” And Kicks His Ass

Fight reportedly erupted during a Biden campaign visit to a Philadelphia PA VFW, after the vet questioned Biden about his son Hunter.

Biden shown here bragging to his campaign staff and Secret Service agents how he caught the wheelchair-bound vet with an uppercut.

With the nation’s attention on the Coronavirus outbreak, Joe Biden created a potential public relations nightmare, when he followed an elderly disabled vet to the parking lot where he reportedly during an “kicked his ass” for daring to question him about the ethics of his son, Hunter Biden, during an impromptu campaign stop. According to our sources inside the Secret Service, it all started when Hernandez, A Marine Corps vet who served in Korea, after having been drinking several hours before the arrival of Biden, muttered something about Biden’s son Hunter being a “Punk”, or “fucking punk”, something to that effect.

The victim of Biden’s rage; Carlos Hernandez, 85 years old, DOB 01/17/35 born in Spanish Harlem, New york City NY, current residence 625 Oak Street, Philadelphia PA, SS# 389-29-4519, who wishes to remain anonymous, claims “I was sucker punched” but refuses to press charges.

“Biden was visibly upset, but they were not close to each other, at first” our source said. “Biden glared at him, then walked around the room but eventually circled over to Hernandez who was sitting at the bar. Biden got in close–you know how he does, leaning in with his hands on his shoulders and his mouth close to then guys ear, so nobody could here what he said. But shortly thereafter, Hernandez, in his wheelchair, went to the parking lot, where Biden followed, and started pummeling the surprised Hernandez, first with a briefcase, then his fists.”

So far Biden has kept this incident out of the press. Some of Hillary’s media people have been huddling with Biden behind closed doors; either to try to get the cantankerous, dementia suffering candidate for president to interact so aggressively with citizens while on the campaign trail. “We want Biden to appear feist” said one, off the record. “But he has to seem like a fighter who will fight for the causes that concern average citients, not an angry old man who will fight anyone at at any time for no reason. It’s a fine line, a work in progress.”


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AOC Fights Back Against The Corona Virus! Announces “Corona New Deal”

Its funny how when serious issues arise, the immaterial ramblings of minor celebrities and lightweight political pundits such as Alexandria fade away.

Since the tsunami effect upon society of the Coronavirus times, climate alarmists such as Bernie Sanders, Greta, and of course AOC herself have been relatively ignored. Some have been more quick than others to adapt, and pivot from Climate Change to Corona Pandemic Alarmism.

MLK Jr. had a dream… She. Has. A. Nightmare!

Better late than never. AOC has made up for her sluggish attempts to get publicity during a serious healthcare crisis and literal pandemic, by releasing on the internet her proposed “Corona New Deal” legislation, which appears to be mostly a copy of her infamous “Green New Deal” with “climate” changed to “Coronavirus”.

There were a few addition from the original ideas of her Green New Deal, which were thoroughly embarrassing to the naive young Congresswoman, and which floated like a balloon made of granite–including proposals to reduce the emissions of cow-farts, by inducing everyone to become vegan, and for the most part make cattle extinct, as well as to completely shut down the auto and airline industry for a goal of “zero carbon emissions”.

In the new proposed legislation, business are permanently shut down–not for carbon emissions or some kind of cap-and-trade scam, but now for “social distancing” and “mandatory healthcare” imperatives.

If AOC has her way, and this legislation passes, it will require the United States to take in an unlimited number of “Coronavirus Immigrants” who will have unrestricted “universal right to migrate from a virus hotspot to an area with more secure healthcare availability.”

One of the more radical ideas in AOC’s concept of healthcare, is something she calls “Community Visitation Service” whereby under the rules of her new “Coronavirus Medicaid For All”, people infected with The Coronavirus will be allowed one trip per week into the community, without fear of contaminating others, with the assistance of a government provided “Bubble Team”, which will provide a “Completely Secure Buble-Biosphere.”

AOC doesn’t explain how she intends to pay for this “Community Visitation Service” for millions of infected citizens, as depicted above. Experts say it may increase the national debt.

Joe Biden’s campaign issued a statement supporting the proposed legislation. Joe himself announced in a prerecorded video that he was ready to “Take the Coronavirus out back, and kick it’s ass!”


Chaos Erupts as Multiple Law Enforcement Agencies Clash

In Competition to Enforce Stay At Home Orders, Battle Ensues

There was no clear winner

It started with an elderly couple taking their dog for a walk on the outskirts of Ann Arbor Michigan. A complaint by one of their neighbors to the local Homeowners Association triggered a virtual riot–of law enforcement.

“We received a call from State Police, that there was an altercation between Local Police and Sheriff’s Deputies.” Explained FBI Spokesperson Super Special Agent T. T. Liddy. “Upon arriving at the scene, our Crisis Response Team became entangled in a situation where the State Troopers had attempted to break up an altercation between Sheriff’s Deputies and local City Police.

The Police Officers and Sheriffs deputies had arrived simultaneously after receiving a call from a Private Security firm with a local HOA. Unfortunately, there was a dispute about who would have jurisdiction for arresting the Perps. It got out of hand and we have no further comment pending an investigation.”

The Perps, George and Eunice Burrows. Their lawyer says they didn’t commit a crime, and only took their dog for a walk

The officials wouldn’t comment on who the “Perps” were, or details about the original incident that prompted the call from the Private Security firm. So we investigated.

It turns out that last week the homeowners association hired a new private security firm. According to a letter they sent it was in response to the Coronavirus Pandemic, a company called Tactical Response LLC. It was to help ensure everyone’s safety by helping enforce any martial law edicts. Supposedly everyone was informed that dog walking was only allowed from 10 to 11 AM or 5 to 6 PM so that County Animal Control Officers could be on hand.

But the retired couple, George and Eunice Burrows, claim nobody told them about the new restrictions, and they were just taking a walk as they’ve done everyday for the last 20 years.

Since the Burrows home sits within the city, but near the city limits, and their walk may have taken them past the city limits, when police and County Sheriff personnel arrived, it wasn’t clear who had jurisdiction. That’s when the fight broke out. State Police arrived but they confused the Private Security employees with City Police, and the situation escalated. The FBI responded, and a call was placed to the National Guard, but the situation de-escalated when an ambulance arrived to take the Perps to the hospital, after they had been tased and wrestled to the ground, for their own safety. Some local anarchist/antifa types may have also been involved, ironically attempting to dish out vigilante justice for not obeying the government orders.

“It’s unfortunate, but the public safety has to be protected” said an anonymous source at The Governors office. “Things like this don’t happen in this neighborhood” said a local resident who witnessed the events. “The Burrows are just a sweet old couple. I think they should sue China for damages.”

Sparky, the Burrows pet Terrier, is said to be missing. A reward is offered if found.


Ghost of Aaron Hernandez Haunting Brady, Belichik, Kraft

Real Reason Brady Left New England Revealed

There is supernatural justice, the ghost of Aaron hernandez, is haunting Robert Kraft, Bill Belichick and Tom Brady, the Three Prime Architects of the New England Patriots NFL dynasty, according to The Philthy Times exclusive source inside the NFL.

Owner R Kraft was reportedly spooked enough to call The Pope

Football is instrumental in the Circus aspect of mass crowd control, and so I’ve been fascinated enough with the violent and uber popular sport–how the quarterback is referred to as the “Field General” using his “weapons” to throw “bombs” and so forth–to take an interest over the years, in the use of the NFL for propaganda.

My friends in the NFL report that the ghost of Aaron Hernandez began haunting Robert Kraft the night of March 13, 2019. That day a lengthy legal battle was concluded with a favorable ruling for Kraft, the Patriots, and the NFL; Hernandez’s murder conviction was reinstated, effectively ending any claims for money by the former Patriot star tight end’s estate, Hernandez having committed suicide in jail.

Kraft was in a good mood that day, but according to my confidential source, “The next day Mr. Kraft appeared at work early, shaken and disturbed. He was asking about Aaron, strange questions about if anyone was conducting a prank, or practical joke, by creating the illusion of a ghost.”

Kraft reportedly regained his composure the next day, and did not mention Hernandez again–except one time our source overheard Kraft speaking in private with Belichick, and complaining that “He keeps appearing at night, at home, over and over saying ‘Mr. Kraft, you said we were family, why did you forsake me?’ I’m scheduled to speak with The Pope later today; I’m going to request an exorcism.”

Belichick reportedly tried to convince the ghost to help him motivate his players and terrify other teams

According to our source, while Robert Kraft greatly feared the ghost, coach Bill Belichick did not–at first. Belichick is said to have consulted with a medium in an attempt to communicate with the apparition.

“Coach Belichick hired a medium who conducted seances–Belichick wanted to exert his coaching influence over his former player’s spirit, get it to do his bidding.” the insider reported. “Belichick never revealed details about his experience with the haunting, but after one particularly intense seance session, Belichick stopped immediately and after that was prone to muttering to himself and was seen kneeling in prayer in his office–something he’d never done before.”

QB Tom Brady was set to return to the Patriots on a one year deal–Until the ghost appeared

Tom Brady may have been the first to be visited by the ghost, during the 2018-2019 season, when the spirit was yet to be angered by the legal decision. That year the Patriot’s won the Superbowl, and Brady was set to sign a one year deal with the Patriots for the upcoming season, but the ghost of Aaron Hernandez changed his mind, says our source with The New England Patriots. When Brady informed Kraft and Belichick about his decision to sign with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, he specifically mentioned the haunting.

“I can’t take it anymore.” Brady reportedly told the team owner and coach. “he keeps chastising me, saying ‘you were my team captain, Tom! You told Tebo you’d look out for me!

A rumor is starting to circulate that Hernandez has now placed a curse on the Patriot’s and that they won’t win another Superbowl for 100 years.

The Dirty Dozen; Twelve Pregnant Women Accuse Hunter Biden

I have a dear friend who works at a prestigious DC law firm. They’ve been doing a lot of work trying to stay ahead of the Hunter Biden fiasco, and it seems that there are at least twelve pregnant young women, all who were working for the last year for various corrupt companies operating throughout Europe. They all say Hunter bribed them, and seduced them with cash and drugs. They all claim to be carrying his baby, having been impregnated some time last July or August.

It seems all the young ladies were called together to meet with the lawyers, to discuss payments in return for silence, and so forth. It seems odd that they would be seen all at once like that, you’d think they would keep them separated, negotiate with each one alone. But my friend explained that it was part of a ploy based on herd mentality, to coerce the women as a group. In any case, the following picture of the pregnant women was sent to me by text. Why they were all in bikini’s, I assume it was part of that psychological intimidation and humiliation, to weaken the vulnerable young expectant mothers.

Reportedly, they signed the confidentiality agreement in exchange for $200,000 each

Some people judge Hunter Biden, and blame him for being a shiftless, degenerate punk. But I say he’s just the product of his environment. If I’d had him in the field, he could have developed strength of character. But he was denied that, a victim of a degenerate father, who enabled him. The scam of stealing foreign aid money, is a bread and butter business for global gangsters.

I say, Hunter does good; he helps return some of the stolen money back to the local American economy, by diverting some of that stolen money back to local citizens, like these pregnant women. That $200,000 will go back to where they live, the local shops will sell more diapers and so forth. Children are very good for the economy, a ponzi needs a steady inflow of new drones, and making babies is about the best that poor Hunter can do.

Pelosi Profiting from Insider Trading Scam

Pelosi, Team of Bankers Move Markets

I did not target Speaker Pelosi. It’s well known how depraved she is, she is known as the most prolific boozehound in Washington, DC. It’s no secret that her office orders an ocean of beer, wine and liquor, paid for by tax dollars, for her lavish entertainment and personal consumption. But I’d had no idea that this simple debauchery could even possibly be part of a sophisticated insider trading scheme on the New York Stock Exchange…

I was just roaming Wall Street, observing the indescribable pain and suffering, the outrageous greed and corruption. I wanted to see how bad it really was, how deep the stench of rotting emotions would run, so I went to a bar frequented by the top investment banking houses.

Two alpha scumbags entered and immediately I picked up a vibe, an emotion, similar to that emitted by jackals when coming across carrion…I knew right away that they were involved in something lucrative, something very unethical and very profitable. “We have it!” I overheard one of them squeal to a small group at a corner table. “Get your money in at the market open!”

I planted a tracking device on one of the young bankers. After just a few days I had all the details of the scam; Throughout the year, Pelosi’s office sends bulk orders for alcoholic beverages, routed through the Pentagon’s black budget. The orders are massive, and when they are made public, the liquor stocks all spike up. In particular, shares of Constellation Brands Inc. (STZ) will be purchased by the Wall Street insiders–including a generous purchase made on behalf of Pelosi herself-just before the orders are made public, helping the company beat earnings estimates…

Speaker Pelosi’s personal truck loaded with single malt whiskey

Over the years, they’ve realized hundreds of millions of dollars in capital gains. It’s against the law, but they don’t really think they are doing anything wrong–they don’t know the difference.