Joe Biden

Biden Announces Vice Presidential Pick

Taps Registered Nurse for Running Mate

Democrats are already in love with “Nurse Naomi”

Nurse Naomi to the rescue! 

She checks all the boxes; she’s a woman of color, as Kamala Harris and other Democrats have demanded. She’s a political newcomer, so she doesn’t have any baggage to worry about, no scandals, no voting record. And she’s a medical professional, a registered nurse, certified to provide care for persons diagnosed with Alzheimer’s symptoms. 

In short, she’s the perfect running mate for Joe Biden, who announced today, from his basement exile, that Naomi Jones will be his pick for Vice President. 

“I got a..a..ahhh. A big, you know, a thing. An announcement. That’s it, a big announcement. The former Vice President said, with a little prompting from aides to look at his teleprompter. “Donald better look out. This woman. This woman, right here. Well, she’s not here. But that’s OK. She will be. She’s great. She’s, ahhh…Naomi Jones! And she’s gonna help me kick Donald’s ass!”

Nurse Naomi
Jones, with her back to the camera, is shown here on her last assignment, which was excellent experience for her role as Biden’s VP

The Biden campaign then played a short video introducing the registered nurse who’s only political experience was volunteering for both of Obama’s elections and for Hillary Clinton’s campaign in 2016. In the video, Nurse Naomi is interviewed and praised by Anderson Cooper. 

Democrats were unanimous in celebrating the selection. “She’s the real deal” many would repeat. “Nurse Naomi has the cure for Trumpism.”

Republicans were cautious. “We look forward to a debate with Vice President Pence, to expose her lack of experience on foreign policy.” said one Republican National Committee staffer. 

Although genuine independents are getting harder to find than unicorns, we did speak with one woman who claims to be an undecided, independent voter. She was a bit incredulous. “What the hell?” she exclaimed. “You can’t just take your caretaker and make her Vice President! How’s she going to have time to do the job, when she’s busy feeding Biden and changing his diapers?”

Dementia Joe
One of Nurse Naomi’s duties will be to keep a binky on had at all times, to prevent Biden from biting and sucking on the fingers of his cabinet.


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