The Philthy Times

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  • by Walter Kurtz
    In a move of desperation–or perhaps genius–depending on the outcome, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell today announced a series of special player and coach tryouts mid-season. Rumored to be in response to historically low TV ratings, as fans and viewers reject the NFL’s BLM/Social Justice activism, this week select Anti-fa and BLM representatives will be evaluated […]
  • by Walter Kurtz
    Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer announced a legislative program calling for 66 trillion dollars in new taxes over the next five years to construct a time machine, and send social justice warriors into the past to stop racism and white nationalism before it begins. The money is to be spread out among government agencies and […]
  • by Walter Kurtz
    One of our best friends is a white-hat hacker, semi-retired, but who has various codes, programs, operations and other resources that continue to deliver all kinds of files. One of the files that came through his network was a file with dozens of Word documents, lifted off a Netflix server, titled “Ideas” by author “BHO”.  […]
  • by Walter Kurtz
    Depresion and Series of Setbacks Force Royal Rascal to Radical Remedy You think you’ve had a bad week? A bad month? You probably haven’t been depressed enough, or henpecked and pushed to the point of accepting voluntary chemical castration, in order to please your demanding wife. With our unique contacts all around the world, including […]
  • by Walter Kurtz
    Maxine Waters, the Democrat from California who in 1992, as a new Congresswoman, infamously led crowds in chanting “No justice, No peace” which helped incite the Rodney King Riots, and who then after the riots characterized the looting that occured as simply some moms getting milk for their babies–nothing criminal–has issued instructions for the Summer […]
  • by Walter Kurtz
    Joe Biden, the presumptive democratic candidate for President, emerged from his basement exile today to appear on a taped live episode of The View. Completely emitted from mainstream accounts of the episode, however, was the fact that Biden appeared initially in blackface!  The tape was edited before being released to the public, but we have […]
  • by Walter Kurtz
    We got word from our source inside the executive team of Facebook, that Mark Zuckerberg has constructed a secret underground virtual reality room/environment the size of a domed football stadium, as part of his virtual reality obsession.  We thought that was the whole story. We were wrong. Dead wrong.  The underground complex isn’t being used […]
  • by Walter Kurtz
    President Trump raised plenty of eyebrows earlier this week when he casually announced at a round table discussion about the Coronavirus that he just happens “to be taking it.” (hydroxychloroquine) Most Democratic pundits reacted with disbelief, claiming the President wasn’t really taking it, that he was “lying like he always does” or something to that […]
  • by Walter Kurtz
    We caught up with Elon Musk at happy hour for cocktails. We were hoping he’d spill the beans about his latest business ventures. At first he didn’t want to talk about anything except how he was planning to become a citizen of at least three more countries. Triple citizenship in the United States, Canada, and […]
  • by Walter Kurtz
    Sometimes a story just comes out of nowhere, like The Ghost in Hamlet. This is one of those cases. We have a good friend who’s a Secret Service agent, and has often been assigned to protect former President Bill Clinton. We just got done talking to him over a secure video link, less than thirty […]

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